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Key Lime Tart (YUMMO), Author Fun Facts & Giveaway with Jason Robert Macumber - Never After





Today we are pleased to introduce you to author Jason Robert Macumber. Jason is on tour with his new release, Never After. Jason will be sharing his favorite recipe, and we did a fun fact interview too. Welcome to Writing Innovations Jason! We're so happy you could stop in :).

This is one of my favorite recipes and is for Key Lime Tarts. I love anything with lemon and lime!



Ingredients
  • ·         9 to 10 graham crackers (each 2 1/2 by 5 inches)
  • ·         2 tablespoons plus 1/2 cup sugar
  • ·         4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
  • ·         1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
  • ·         3/4 cup fresh lime juice (from 4 to 6 limes), or fresh or bottled key-lime juice
  • ·         4 large egg yolks
  • ·         Pinch salt
  • ·         Slivered lime zest, for garnish (optional)


Directions
1.     Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Process graham crackers and 2 tablespoons sugar in a food processor until fine crumbs form; add butter. Process until combined. Transfer mixture to a 9-inch tart pan with a removable bottom; pat into bottom and up sides. Place pan on a baking sheet, and bake until crust is fragrant and slightly colored, about 10 minutes.
2.     Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, combine condensed milk, lime juice, egg yolks, remaining 1/2 cup sugar, and salt; whisk until smooth. Pour mixture into crust (warm or cool is fine), leaving 1/8 inch at the top; return to oven. Bake until filling is set around edge but still slightly loose in center, 20 to 25 minutes.
3.     Cool completely at room temperature; then refrigerate until chilled, at least 2 hours. Serve, garnished with zest, if desired.


Fun Fact Interview:

  1. Why did you start writing?

I can’t say there was ever a conscious choice to “start” writing as I have been writing ever since I could remember. As a child I always had an overactive imagination that tended to get me in trouble. So, I found writing as an escape that allowed me to tell my “wild” stories and be free to do what I wanted without getting in trouble by my teachers.

  1. What's your favorite book of all time?

My favorite book of all time would have to be, Eye of the World by Robert Jordan. The first installment of the Wheel of Time series, this book drew me into the world of fantasy and allowed me to really start to enjoy reading.

  1. Favorite Movie and why?

Picking a favorite movie would be near impossible as I am a huge movie nerd and love so many. So, I will give you one of my top three favorites and that would be Steel Magnolias. It is such a great character piece and the writing and comedic timing is brilliant.

  1. If your book was made into a movie, who do you seeing being cast for your characters?

I keep getting asked this question, and honestly I see my characters how I created them in my head. I don’t cast them with film actors these characters are alive to me just as they are. Though if I were to pick someone to play Snow that would be Ellen Paige.

  1. What is your favorite scene from your book, or the scene you most enjoyed writing?

Gee, it is hard to say which scene would be my favorite without spoiling anything. I would have to say the opening sequence in chapter two where Snow murders a fairy tale favorite. I knew in that moment I had stepped too far and that was when I realized I loved this character and world.

6.  Where can readers connect with you online?



The world of fairy tales is twisted and corrupted. Two years after her entrapment and torture at the hands of the Seven Deadly Trolls, Snow White now works as an assassin for hire. Rude, crude and with her princess status long revoked, she has become a dark angel for the Ever After's damsels-in-distress.

A game of cat and mouse soon begins when two of the Deadlies, Pride and Wrath, return to exact revenge on the fallen princess for the murder of their brothers.

Armed with her trusty dagger carved from the magic mirror, Snow finds herself drawn into a conspiracy that involves an ancient relic from beyond her world's borders and the destruction of her world.

Taking perversion to a whole new level, NEVER AFTER is an estrogen-filled romp to save the Ever After as Snow slices and dices her way through beloved characters leaving no talking animal safe!


Genre: Dark Fairy tale/Fantasy  (Warning: Extremely Mature Content)
Publisher: Melange Books
Release Date: July 31, 2012



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Excerpt


I wish I could tell you there was such a thing as a happy ending. Unfortunately, I'd then have to lie and say the boogie man doesn't lurk under the bed, and Santa isn't actually a pagan god who collects the souls of naughty children. The problem with fairy tales is they never were meant to be happy. It wasn't 'till the Big Mouse came along and fucked it all up did the whole “happily ever after” motto become such an everyday norm. Thus, creating a wish in every young girl's heart for a prince and a life where no pain exists.
Sorry to burst your bubble—wishes for a handsome prince and a pain free life are a load of shit. Our lives are just as gritty and dirty. Probably worse.
Everyone believes they know my story. Poor Snow White, whose evil stepmother tried to have a hunter carve her heart out and then poison her with an apple.
But of course no one ever remembers the cursed corset and poisoned comb. God, no. That would make the story too dark, especially when my salvation was found in the home of the ‘sweet’ and ‘gentle’ seven dwarves.
Bullshit. The evil mother part they got right, but she was more like a drunken Joan Crawford from Mommie Dearest. Too much makeup, not enough plastic surgery, and an unhealthy infatuation for wire hangers. As far as my “salvation” with the seven dwarfs is concerned— "dwarf" is too kind of a word. In reality, they were seven trolls known as the Deadlies who lived in a putrid cave even Martha Stewart couldn't fix. And if by “gentle and sweet” you mean two months of constant molestation and torture—well, I would have rather taken my chances with the hunter.
My true salvation came in the form of that blasted poison apple. Two months of sex, blood and torture brought me to a place where living had no real point. I sure did surprise the old hag when I devoured the entire fruit—core and all.
It should have come with a disclaimer.
If I had known it was only a sleeping death, I would have opted for a quick bullet to the head. But no—my “prince” gave me the kiss of true lust and I awoke to a life of more shit.
Truth be told, the first few months were all right. Who wouldn't enjoy a timeshare in the Far and Away Islands along with amazing sex and a Dolce & Gabbana gift basket? But they never write anything past the honeymoon phase. You see, my dear husband loved his liquor, and I wasn't his princess. More like a glorified concubine in his harem of other women whom he enjoyed beating on a daily basis.
Luckily, being a doormat wasn't my style.




Author Bio:


Jason Macumber has been writing since he could first hold a pen, weaving stories so grand his teachers would usually have to pull him back down to earth on more than one occasion. After beginning his writing career in the Young Adult genre, he found that the medium did not suit his more mature tastes and tones that were dying to rip free from the far reaches of his mind. Thus, Snow emerged and became a force to be reckoned and the Ever After Chronicles was born. He is currently living in Florida where he is finishing his graduate degree and punching out the sequel to NEVER AFTER in the company of his three dogs and one mischievous cat.

Author Links:


Follow The Tour:

August 23 - Guest Blogging at Wise Words
August 27 - Guest Blogging at Immortality and Beyond
August 29 - Book Feature & Excerpt at BK Walker Books Etc.
August 31 - Review & Guest Blog at Waiting On Sunday To Drown
September 5 - Review & Guest Blogging at A Book Lover's Library
September 7 - Reviewed at Books, Books, and More Books
September 10 - Reviewed at All Things Books
September 12 - Interviewed at From The Mind Of Omegia
September 12 - Review & Guest Blogging at Silver Sleep
September 14 - Character Interview at The Bunny's Review

September 17 - Guest Blogging at The Golden Pen Review
September 17 - Review & Character Interview at Library Geek Girl
September 19 - Reviewed at Turning The Pages

September 21 - Review & Guest Blogging at Words I Write Crazy
September 22 - Review & Interview at Sky Rose Reviews

Giveaway:

Jason will be giving away 2 ebooks, plus by entering the Rafflecopter below, you will also be entered to win 1 of 2 signed paperbacks at the end of his tour.  Please your email in a comment too, so we have a way to contact you if you should win an ebook. :) 



a Rafflecopter giveaway



Don't forget to visit Jason's Facebook Page, and drop him a note to let him know you stopped in.


VBTC Tour & Excerpt - C U @ 8 by Cindy Vine






Do your kids ever really leave?
Fenella Fisher and Suki Rabinowitz are middle-aged single mothers whose children have left home and started on their own lives and careers. But Suki’s son Josh is a cocaine-addict who supposedly fathered a baby on a visit to the UK; and Fenella’s daughter Kirsty has just been dumped and is feeling miserable. Fenella and Suki decide they need to step in to help their children and hatch a plan to sort out Josh’s mess and find Kirsty a suitable man, with some hilarious consequences. After interviewing prospective husbands for Kirsty at Waves Restaurant and Bar, they discover that a good man is hard to find.




Publisher:  Createspace
Release Date:  March 2012
Book Genre:  Chick Lit/Women’s Contemporary


Excerpts (2 min.)
Chapter 10

Fun-loving, creative free-spirited young woman looking for a life partner.  Travel, art and adventure are my middle names.  Conservative is out and not in my repertoire.  Control freak does not feature in my life dictionary.  Cheap and miserly are not welcome in my universe.  If you are intelligent with a sense of humour, a stable job and a six pack, then please contact me so I can get to know you.’
Suki had said short and sweet was better.  Men on dating sites couldn’t be bothered to read long diatribes; they were in too much of a hurry to meet their ideal woman.  So Fenella had complied.  With quite a bit of eye rolling and laughter, the two had bandied about words until they were satisfied.  “Leave it to stew for 24 hours before we check for any bites,” Suki had suggested and Fenella had done just that.  Twenty-four hours had passed.  Throughout the day Fenella had kept looking at the clock on the kitchen wall.  Since the invention of cell phones she had stopped wearing her watch.  In fact, she had no idea where it was or where she’d last seen it.  It had been a gift, she couldn’t even remember who’d given it to her.  It had been about a decade ago for a birthday, she thought.  Suki was late.  Before she left the day before she’d made Fenella promise not to open up Kirsty’s profile page and look at the replies.  She wanted to be a part of the action, which Fenella supposed was only fair seeing that this whole internet dating thing had been her idea.  Where the hell was Suki?  Fenella was just about to succumb to temptation and open up the webpage when the doorbell rang.
“976 replies!  I told you!”  Suki had an excited sparkle in her eyes.  She looked quite animated, Fenella thought, feeling less excited herself.  Well, maybe she was a little excited, but quite a bit apprehensive as well about the whole damn thing.  “So what we need to do first is delete the weirdoes and creeps.”
“I thought you said there weren’t weirdoes, creeps and psychopaths on this website!” exclaimed Fenella feeling rather naïve about that kind of stuff.
“Um, not really, well some but sort of.  They are far less weirdish and freakish on this site than on some of the other sites,” said Suki clicking on links and deleting emails at quite a pace.  “Yuck!  Yugh!  Ugggg!”
Fenella peeped over Suki’s shoulder only to see a picture of an erect penis filling her screen.  “And you were saying?”
“Some creepos still slip through, like that one.  So what we do is reduce these responses to our top few hundred.”
“Few hundred?  Few hundred!”  Fenella was in shock.  There was no way she was interviewing a few hundred young men.  “I’m not sure about this Suki.  I’m not sure if it’s worth it.  These interviews…I don’t think I can do it.”  Falling back onto her chair Fenella began to fan herself.  A panic attack seemed to be developing as the heat started from her head and seemed to spread down to her toes.  It was either that or a hot flush and the start of menopause.
Suki sat upright on the dining table chair glaring at Fenella with her hands on her hips.  “Do you or do you not want Kirsty to give you grandchildren and make you a granny?
For someone who wasn’t that tall Suki could be quite intimidating.  “I…er…do want Kirsty to have children one day.  But Suki, there has to be another way.  I can’t sit through a date with a few hundred men and interview them.  My school holiday doesn’t last forever and I don’t want to use it all up on…this!”  Fenella pointed at the computer screen.  If she didn’t go and fetch herself some ice water from the fridge she was going to self-combust.
Suki folded her arms and scowled.  “You may be right.  Logistically and time-wise to set up a few hundred dates is improbable.  You wouldn’t be giving each applicant the attention they deserve.  And if we do a rush job then we won’t get the best.  Let me think a minute.  We probably need more coffee,” said Suki draining the dregs from her mug.  Fenella had hardly touched hers.  Coffee was the last thing on her mind.  The last thing she felt like doing was pouring more heat into her already overheating body!
“You want that special blend again?”
“Yeah, that East African one again.  I love the taste, the aroma.  Can’t believe you never brought me back a bag!”  The truth was that Fenella had spent ages dithering about what to buy Suki.  It was so hard to buy a gift for a woman who had everything and was fussy to boot.  She often criticised Fenella’s style choices, although to be honest, baggy t-shirts and track pants were probably on the unflattering side.  After wandering around browsing for what seemed like hours, she’d settled for an ornately carved wooden box similar to the Swahili carved wooden doorways she’d fallen in love with.  It was always risky buying Suki jewellery as she tended to only wear pieces completely out of Fenella’s price range.  So a box it had been but in retrospect coffee would have been better.  Fenella hadn’t even thought about coffee as a gift.
With the coffee brewing and the machine making its happy sounds, Fenella joined Suki in front of her laptop at the dining room table.  “Any bright ideas yet?  Or should we just delete this profile?”
Glaring at Fenella Suki leaned forward to hug the keyboard protectively.  “No don’t touch!  No deleting, I have an idea as surprising as it may sound.”
Fenella gave an eye roll.  “Seriously Suki, covering up my keyboard like that.  How old are you?”
“Never trust a woman who tells you her age,” Suki countered.  “I know what we are going to do.  It’s perfect.  In fact so perfect, I think I should patent the idea.”
Fenella groaned.  This wasn’t sounding good.  It was building up to one of Suki’s hare-brained schemes she could tell.  “Okay, stop keeping me hanging in suspense.  What’s the idea?”
Suki gave a little shake of her shoulders and sat up straight.  “We,” she paused dramatically for effect, “Are going to set up a mass date.”
Groaning out loud Fenella held her head in her hands.  “Don’t tell me you are suggesting what I think you are suggesting.”
“We email our top few hundred, say something witty, hook them further.  A little saucy repartee.  Not all will reply, but many will and then we suggest a meeting.  We give all our short list the same date and time to be at a venue we pick.”
“A few hundred doesn’t sound like a short list to me!”
“Oh stop being negative,” Suki pouted.  “Then we casually wander among them and check them out.  We can take a notebook and make notes.  We might even strike up some idle chit-chat with some of them.”
“Are we going to introduce ourselves and tell them why they’re there?  Some of them might be pissed to find they’re part of a mass date.  I’m not sure about this.”  Fenella chewed on her lip.  Suki’s plan sounded very flawed to her ears.
“No silly of course not!  We’re not asking for trouble.  We check them out like we just coincidentally happened to be there at the same time.  They’ll think their date stood them up.  We can make up some excuse when we email the ones we liked later.  Do you think we might need a checklist for our prospects?”
Suki was on a roll and Fenella knew she would not be deterred.  This plan would go ahead even though Fenella had grave reservations about it.  “So where will we meet them?”
Suki threw her arms around Fenella, giving her a suffocating hug.  “I knew you’d come on board!  I was thinking that new restaurant/bar on the beachfront we’ve been going to.  Waves.  It’s quite big inside and should accommodate all our prospectives.  We should get the owner to give us commission as we’ll be increasing his business on a normally quiet week night.  Don’t look at me like that I’m just joking.  About the commission part, that is.” 
Fenella gave a thin smile.  She felt quite drained.  This reminded her of why she hated dating and was content to remain single.  It was just too much hard work and unnecessary stress.  No wonder people elected to stay in bad relationships.  “Let me pour that coffee.  You sure this will work?”  Suki nodded, grinning and humming to herself as she turned back to scroll through the responses to the ad on the dating site.  In a way Fenella was glad that finding Kirsty a man had made Suki’s other problem with that woman in Cornwall, take a back seat.  She felt bad keeping Kirsty’s news about Josh a secret from her friend.  But then again, she was sure that Suki had kept secrets from her about Kirsty she’d heard over the years.  Lying by omission.  It was something everybody did to protect those they cared about.



A teacher, writer, mother - Cindy Vine was born in Cape Town, South Africa and has lived and worked in many different countries around the world. She currently resides in Tanzania at the foot of Mount Kilimanjaro. Cindy has three children, two of whom have already left home. Writing and reading has been a passion of hers since she was a young girl.






v Do you prefer coffee, tea, or hot cocoa?
Coffee is essential to kickstart the day, but not past 1pm otherwise I am up all night running to the bathroom.  Chai tea or Rooibos Tea are okay before bed, but often I’ll have Milo.  I find hot cocoa too sweet.
v Red, or white wine?
Red wine with a juicy steak but only at night.  White wine any other time, not necessarily with a meal.  I grew up in a big wine-producing area.  Wine has always been a part of my life.
v What is your favorite gadget?
I’m not sure if a Kindle qualifies as a gadget, but if it does it would definitely be that.  Otherwise I am not really a gadget person as I have no need for them where I live.
v Do you write in your PJ’s?
Truth Alarm here!  I don’t own any PJ’s!  But I’ll write in trackpants and a t-shirt.  Very boring and unimaginative, eh?
v What is your favorite type of pet?
I love dogs but I can’t handle them in the house, jumping on me, licking me or yapping.  It’s a bit like children should have been in the old days, seen but not heard.  I hate cats because I am so severely allergic to them.  Unfortunately cats go out of their way to jump on me and rub themselves against me.  In my teens I wanted to become a vet or study animal husbandry.  I had a pet pig, a herd of saanen milk goats, some cattle and a couple of horses.  As you can gather I grew up on a farm.
v What is your favorite place to travel?
I am addicted to travel and my favourite place would be all the places I haven’t visited yet.  A trip I really enjoyed was when I backpacked through Southeast Asia with my youngest two children who were teenagers at the time.  Goa, India was another great trip.  My bravest trip was driving with my teenage daughter from Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, down to Cape Town in South Africa and back again.  We managed to get ourselves arrested in Zimbabwe, but that’s another story.
v Do you prefer print books or ebooks?
I never thought I’d ever say this, but definitely ebooks.  I LOVE my Kindle and the fact that I can adjust the font size.  I find the font in many paperbacks difficult to read.  Since getting a Kindle I am reading far more than I ever did before.
v What is your favorite cereal?
Raisin Bran with yoghurt instead of milk.
v What is your favorite color?
A turquoise blue, the color of the ocean off the coast of Kenya or Thailand.
v What was your first date like?
A bit wild.  If I recall we were playing with the candles on the table in the restaurant and accidentally set the tablecloth on fire!
v Who is your favorite singer?
Without a doubt Annie Lennox from the Eurhythmics.
v What is your favorite thing to eat/snack on while writing?
I have to be honest.  I don’t think I have ever snacked while writing.  I usually do my writing early in the morning, so will only be filling myself up with coffee.
v Have you ever went to work and realized a piece of clothing was missing?
I climbed in my car to drive to work and realised I was still wearing my slippers.  Luckily I have always managed to get to work fully-clothed.
v What is your most embarrassing moment?
I have probably had more than my share of embarrassing moments.  My most recent one was when I stopped at traffic lights just before the apartment block I was staying in and picked up the remote for the gates and tried to change the traffic lights with it.  It was all done unconsciously, I don’t know what I was thinking at the time, but my daughter with me found it extremely hilarious and hasn’t let me forget it yet.
v Do you prefer snow or rain?
Definitely rain.  Coming from Africa I was always excited about the possibility of one day seeing snow, until the day I did.  It wasn’t this pretty white powdery stuff it looked on postcards, but icy cold and very wet.  Definitely unpleasant.  I am not a fan of cold.  There are different kinds of rain though.  Endless drizzle can become miserable.  A torrential downpour which breaks the heat and settles the dust can be refreshing.
v What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
Looking back on my life I have done so many crazy things, it depends on what you mean by crazy.  Like setting off on a road trip through a sparsely populated area with not enough money for fuel might be deemed by some to be a little crazy.  Smuggling rabbits into Botswana in the back of a landrover might be seen as crazy. Or stuffing a sanitary towel full of dollars and wearing it to smuggle money out of Angola might be seen as crazy.  Then it could be breaking into a hotel at night to go skinny dipping with friends in the baby pool, or driving through the front window of a KFC because they didn’t have a drive-thru.  I suppose I have had more than my fair share of crazy.  But what is crazy really?
v What is your favorite theme park?
I have only gone to 4 theme parks in my life.  One in Auckland, New Zealand; one in Seoul, South Korea; one at the Gold Coast in Australia and one in Cape Town, South Africa.  Each one was so different it’s difficult to compare.
v Roller Coasters or Water Rides?
Water Rides.  I have a fear of heights so definitely not Roller Coasters.
v What is your favorite food to snack on while writing?
No snacks during writing.
v Do you have any hobbies?
I go through phases.  I used to like knitting intricate fair isle jerseys for everybody, then I was into making teddy bears.  Fabric painting, painting little boxes with Ndebele designs, water colour painting, acrylics.  I was always doing something arty or crafty.  But since I started writing all that has gone by the wayside.  I just don’t have enough time.  Reading has always been my number one hobby since very young.  Cooking and baking probably a close second.  Oh and then I used to make all my own sausages.  I’m pretty into photography as well, it ties in well with all the traveling I do.
v What are you scared of? Bugs, Snakes?
I’m not really scared of bugs if I have a can of DOOM in my hand.  I think if they jump on me I might be scared but if they are just sitting there looking at me it wouldn’t bother me.  I’m not scared of snakes at all.


August 10 - Guest Blogging at AZ Publishing Services
August 14 - Review & Guest Blogging at Jersey Girl Book Reviews
August 16 - Review & Ebook Giveaway at Books, Books, and More Books
August 18 - Interviewed at Mass Musings

August 20 - Guest Blogging at Cafe' Creations
August 22 - Guest Blogging at SheWrites Blog
August 24 - Interview & Giveaway at The Bunny's Review
August 28 - Guest Blogging at Wise Words
August 30 - Interviewed at BK Walker Books Etc.



Chatting,Giveaway & Recipe Too With Author Jesse Holder - Chutes, Beer, & Bullets



Today we have the pleasure of chatting with author Jesse Holder! Welcome to Writing Innovations Jesse! Jesse will be offering you a chance to win a copy of his debut novel, Chutes, Beer, & Bullets:Not Your Grandpa's War Story so be sure to fill out the Rafflecopter, and leave him a comment letting him know you dropped in :).


WI: When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?

Well I never set out in life to write a book. My brother gave me a journal right before I joined the Army and said to write down as many memories as possible. At first it seemed a little weird, writing to myself, but I did start doing it in Afghanistan. It started as a way to pass the time.
When I got to Iraq with the 3rd Infantry Division we worked 12 hours on and 12 hours off. Aside from eating, showering, and hitting the gym there wasn’t much to do. So I thought hey…why not write a book? Toying around with the first chapter got me rolling. I worked on it a little bit every day until the next thing I knew I had twenty two chapters and was writing the conclusion. The journal, pictures, and memories I had came in handy!


WI: What road blocks did you come across while writing this story?

I guess the biggest road block was time. Since I am still active duty Army I could really only write when I had the chance, and I only write in the morning so it was a challenge.

WI: What do you do if a story just doesn't seem to flow the way you were hoping it would?

Well I have never had that problem. The one story I have written I lived. I think a bigger problem than flow was my editor wanting changes with what he perceived to be racial slurs, and what I perceived to be humorous.

WI: What has been the hardest thing about marketing this story?

The hardest thing in marketing this book is people see it as just another military book when it’s so much more. Chutes, Beer, & Bullets: Not Your Grandpa’s War Story is special because it is like no other military book ever written. Most military books are written years after a conflict by people that were not there and have tons of co-authors. This book was written by an author that lived it. This book also shows the public what really happens in the military. It isn’t all drill sergeants yelling, training in the mud, and shooting a gun; that’s only about 10% of it. Most of it is like your college campus, but the backdrop is Europe. Sex, drugs, and living like a rock star without the Spandex.

WI: What is one thing you wished you knew before, that you now know about marketing?

How expensive it can be!

WI: What is one piece of advice that you received to help your writing that you still carry with you today?

Well I never asked for advice for writing. I actually didn’t tell anyone I was writing a book until it was time to publish. I didn’t want to deal with people trying to read it early and with their opinions.

WI: Tell us what a day in your writing life is like, do you have any writing quirks?

If I am going to write then I have to get up and get going. Like to work out, grab some coffee, and then start writing. I will only write for a few hours, or until about noon.

WI: Where do you hope to take your writing in the future?

I would like to take my book to the big screen. As for writing I do not see anything in the near future coming out of my fingers.

WI: Are you currently working on any new projects?

I’m currently not working on any projects but I am embarking on a book tour around the country starting on August 31st. I will be in Valdosta, and Atlanta GA, Dallas, TX, Denver, CO, Seattle, Washington, and Annapolis, Maryland.


WI: Where can readers find you?

Readers can find me on Twitter: @Jesse_Holder
Or on the books Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/ChutesBeerBullets


WI: Where can your book be purchased?

The book can be purchased on all major retailer websites, including for Kindle, Nook, and I-Book

Author Recipe Favorite:

One of my favorite recipes is pretty simple.

You coat pork chops in mustard and the cover them in flour. Fry them to a golden brown and serve them over a bed of white rice! It is probably not the best thing for you, but it’s SO good!

And it sounds delicious Jesse! Thank you for sharing.

We want to thank you for taking time to chat with us today and offering your writing & marketing experiences. We wish you much success in the future.

The Writing Innovations Team

Chutes, Beer, & Bullets: Not Your Grandpa's War Story is a humor filled narrative that takes place during the peak of The War on Terror. Follow Jesse is this uncut and unscripted adventure as he leads you through United States Army Airborne School, Europe, and ultimately to Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan. Chutes, Beer, & Bullets is assured to have you laughing, sighing, looking away, and possibly even shedding a tear as you connect with the real life characters within. No doubt you will be longing for more as you turn the final page.

Book Genre: Military, Humor

Purchase Links:


Publisher: AuthorHouse Publishing Company
Release Date: May 19th, 2012 



Jesse Holder (1986- ) was born in Valdosta, Georgia. He quickly became known as a "class-clown" throughout his school years. After putting college on hold, Jesse joined the United States Army. He graduated United States Infantry and Airborne School in the spring of 2006. He served in the 173rd Airborne Combat Team in Italy from June, 2006 to July, 2009. He has completed two combat tours, the first being a fifteen month deployment in Afghanistan with the 173rd ABCT; the second being with the 3rd Infantry Division in Iraq. Jesse is very passionate about friends, family, food, beverages, traveling, and University of Georgia football.

Excerpt

The door of the C-130 Hercules flew upwards as the hot Georgia air poured into my nervous lungs. The continuous bump of the aircraft was not helping the situation...the sting of diesel nipping at my nostrils. The Black Hat yelled, "Thirty-Seconds," holding up his index finger and thumb. We all replied "thirty-seconds" as was taught to us for the past three weeks. I could feel my right hand tighten around the yellow rip cord. The only thought circulating through my head since I hooked up was, "Is the yellow cord really going to open this parachute that some nut packed?" This was by all means a new experience.
"Standby!" the Black Hat barked, and the number one jumper turned to face the rustling Georgia Pines, pissing his pants as he did so...the Black Hat stepped back. I was the #4 jumper, or the fourth person that would jump from the plane. I was just close enough to the door to see the ground zipping by. The planes altitude hit 1,200ft and all I could think was, "What in THE HELL am I doing here?" "Green light go!" The Black Hat responds in a roar, and like ducks following a seemingly retarded mother, we all exited the aircraft.
What I confused for the wrath of God was actually the prop blast from our C-130, throwing my ragged body through the air much like your cat does with a cheap toy. I felt my T-10 Parachute opening, "Praise the Lord!" too bad Jesus didn't warn me of the opening shock on my gonads. The straps dug into my legs, and the risers were twisted behind my head. As I am bicycle kicking through the open air to untangle my straps, I see the Georgia clay approaching with terrifying speed. Which way am I supposed to pull the risers again? As I am looking toward the horizon, I hear my 1st Lieutenant yell in agony accompanied by a sickening pop, which was his femur snapping. I try not to focus on the ground, staying as loose as possible. Feet and knees together! Then, as if the entire world is quiet except for the breeze though the pines...I hit like a ton of bricks thrown from the Empire State Building. Hey that was easy; only four more jumps, and I'm a paratrooper!
After one more jump that day, we run back up to the Airborne barracks at Fort Benning, Georgia. I'm in Delta Company 1/507th. Having just graduated Infantry School on good ole Sand Hill, I am with at least a platoon size of my buddies. One in particular, Clark, is a character from Seattle, Washington. The guy had nothing better to do than join the Army and see where that took him. In between serving time for high-speed chases across Washington State, and almost getting killed by his own dad for walking into the family business un-announced (AHEM...meth lab), he figured why not try something a little less dangerous.
Being from Georgia myself, I had my own vehicle there at Airborne School. A black 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee named "darkie", my first ride. Clark and I often took it for a spin to my hometown on the weekend or around Columbus to see what kind of shit we could get in. Clark is notorious for getting to drunk and making outrageous claims about spaceships or how he can beat you in any event you think of. Plus, he likes to walk out on tabs...so usually Captain Shitstorm finds us.
That evening we decided to go to The Chop house in Columbus. Clark and I frequented this establishment. I heard the food was amazing, but we went for the beverages. The bartender, whose name has slipped my mind, was a hipster kind of guy. He wore a red goatee and one of those damn hemp necklaces, and he drove a 1979 Blue Chevy. Mr. Barkeep claimed he obtained a degree in bartending from one of the wacko colleges that specializes in such things. The steak house was small and sat in the corner of strip mall across from the fabulous Sheraton Hotel, where I had vomited many times in the past and even jumped in the hot tub with my clothes on, but that's a different story.
Clark and I sat there drinking a beer. He preferred German beer; I'm a Coors Light man myself. A shot was sitting in front of us, Jaeger-bombs no doubt; Clark would stroke the side of his shot glass like some perverted serial killer until it was time to drop the Black Death into Red Bull. I swear God smites a kitten every time one of those is drunk. Conversation in the establishment was entertaining as usual. Clark was trying to hit on a waitress who was way out of his league, hell out of his division; Clark wasn't much of looker back then, even less so now.
An unusual cat sat down beside us with jet-black hair slicked back and stripped polo on. He obviously knows the bartender as they exchange words, slaps, punches, and play grab ass a little longer. Meanwhile Clark is eyeing me, like "If you so much as slide a hand on me that's going to be it!" I have been known to throw a few lisps on my words to make the gayest man seem straight. Rex, the gelled-Guido grab asser, turns to us and says, "What are you soldier-boys havin?" Now I may have looked young, 19 at the time, but Clark was by no means a boy. Clark, in his usual forward manner, "Well...what are you buying?" I had another Coors, the grab-asser and Clark did shots of Johnny Walker...talk about a lush.
After some interesting conversation, we found out that Rex was a geologist for some institute that was going out of business, and I thought the business of being a rock whisperer was booming! Of course Clark in his infinite wisdom knew all there was to know about geology from volcanic ash to the sand in his vagina. Then as if Gabriel himself blew the golden trumpet, Rex and Mr. Barkeep looked at each other and wink. Rex turns to us, "Hey...do you guys play poker?" Now I am a hell of a rummy player, I use to beat one of my best buds every Sunday afternoon but I have never played poker; much less gambled for it. As I am sure you are imagining now, Clark once again in his most matter-a-factual tone, "Oh I'll murder ya...my knowledge of the game and the quickness of my hands...c'mon." I sat there pondering on the meaning of Clark's statement. It was too late though, the gauntlet had been thrown. "Well come on over, Mr. Barkeep will be joining us. I have ten beers and Kevin will be there too." Rex informs us.
I don't know who keeps the count of beers in their fridge, or who the hell Kevin is but before I could swipe my handy-dandy debit card, we were out the door, already at a BP gas station picking up a twenty-four pack of Bud Light; neither one of us keeping in mind that we have to do two maybe three more jumps tomorrow. No that never occurred to us. What a grave miscalculation.
Clark and I arrive at Rex's one-story brick suburban home. One of the older models you saw built in the 70' and 80's, a nice home for a Guido bachelor. The back door opened up into the outdated kitchen, a large wooden dining room table was in the dining room to my immediate right. The table should have given Rex plenty of room to count his beer on. Speaking of beer, low and behold, ten nicely arranged Bud Lights in the refrigerator. I'm no doctor, but I think someone had a touch of O.C.D. Only about five minutes had passed when Mr. Barkeep arrived. Rex had given Clark and me the grand tour of his lair, surprisingly not brandishing a plate of Fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.